I am in immense physical pain right now but I feel happier than I’ve ever been in quite some time.
Has been great.
1.Had my macros readjusted for more protein and less carbs again (I’m not particularly a hard carb person.)
2. Finally put a bitch in her place by taking a cigarette out of her mouth while walking in a large group at school, stomped on it and glared at her. Ain’t nobody gonna pollute my air.
3. Finally got to skype with my Andy Bear after almost a week of not skyping (we probably shouldn’t let that happen again.)
4. Got paid.
5. Going to eat an entire rotisserie chicken to myself.6. Going to be going for my Crossfit Level 1 coaching certification in October.
These seem like very simple things but I am elated right now.
I’m sitting on a very deep, red leather cushioned couch in a near empty education building.
I hear the elevator open and close sometimes but never any footsteps.
There is a choir singing in one of the lecture theatres and there is a piano playing.
This is a very happy moment for me.
Cut my chest open and turn my torso into an open fire pit.
Burn any photos you might have of me over my body.
You don’t know that person anymore.
The last night I saw you was at a burlesque show in Auckland. You idea of dressing up for the night was wearing a clean white t-shirt as opposed to all the other dirt smeared, fruit stained ones that you wore everyday. You always saved one, hung it in your tiny closet and waited.
Your gums had become an ashy pink from years of smoking, but now you only had one or two when you were drinking. Which I suppose, was more often than not. Your hair was salt and pepper, your eyes were golden and released so much life onto someone so unsuspecting. You were warm and magnetic and in the moment that I first watched you in that kitchen, preparing bacon and a bowl of oatmeal with strawberries, I knew that you were going to be someone that would stay with me forever.
You always told me to eat and drink well. Always take a day or two to just sleep. And before I left you for good that morning, you said “One day, you will find a man that will love you”
You never allowed me to take a photo of you. Maybe it was for the best. I’ve been searching for your face all day.
The best part about exerting myself physically each day is that I come home and am too exhausted to care about anything. Including you.