Everything hurts so bad today.
My ability to love many individuals endlessly,
Is going to be
The end of me,
I’m afraid.
And all those women, your past women with their warnings…they were right about you.
Small confessions
I like going to coffee joints to listen in on first dates.
I want to sleep forever
At least until July 11th, because that’s when I’m going to Iceland.
So yeah…there’s that.
Guess I forgot to announce I got the job as a fitness and health consultant…so now ya know. I’m stoked as hell, life is excellent.
Job interview today so I figured the best way to go for an outfit was alternative Mormon…
Having one of those evenings of so desperately wanting to punch someone in the face. Someone specific.
I’m not a very violent person.
I ate too many chips. I never eat junk food.
Augh.
because all I ever really wanted was…
I must have cried into the crook of your neck in about 20 different languages and for about a thousand years that night. I can’t exactly remember all that was exchanged between us but I know that it was more than enough to send my entire heart, body and soul into tiny, tiny split pieces all over that venue. Like an axe to fresh cedar.
Your words were careless to such a reckless love. This love of ours. It is a complete and utter disaster for such focused individuals. Our shit is never together. And it never will be, will it? It was over between us before anything could happen at all. Friendship included.
What we have…what we had is going to be nothing more than one of those beautiful abandoned places in the world. And it will most likely be one of the most beautiful of all. Our love that never stood a chance and was never given a real one in the first place. Covered in lush vines and rot and rust, the trail grown over and only we’ll know the way for when we decide to revisit it. Some of it will be below the sea, kept in the company and safekeeping of sharks and brilliant schools of tiny fish. Coral will grow on it, attach itself to the arms that were once wrapped around each other so that other living things can survive on it. Our failed attempt at this will allow others to live and breathe. At least then, we can say this all wasn’t for nothing. Us trying to be friends again. Us trying to be honest.
We’ll only go back when we both realize we have made the greatest mistakes, the most awful hurt to one another and want to apologize.
Until then, fuck you.
